The Dilz Journey

                                                         Anna is a Vanuatu girl I met in Vanuatu on a mission project with CRUFIJI back in 2012. Two years ago in a Tamavua bus, I happened to sit next to her. This girl was on her phone. 15 minutes in to the bus ride, this girl taps me on my hand, and says, "Excuse me, is this you?" My EYES went from her phone screen to her face to the phone screen and back at her. "wait what?" I was out of this world confused, scared maybe and just a little shocked. My MIND lol! thinking, what in the world? why is she showing me this? is she stalking me? is this a joke? 😂  I admit, I also thought of going to a different seat, I mean I FREAKED!                        She was showing me group photos of us i...

Man it has been a great year. Grateful to the good Lord for the gift of family, friendship and everything and everyone in between. ❣

Talking with Annie a few days ago and just processing through how we sometimes have this idea of ourselves in our minds - that I am humble, that I am a good person, loving and nice and kind, people loving and never judging and most of all - "godly".... All rainbows and sunshine until you meet someone who lives and goes beyond your lifestyle, or what you thought was good and I remember just having to sit still for a minute and take in what I had just encountered.  The way God had it was, I caught up with an oldest good friend of mine from high school this past month and I couldnt believe what I learnt/ discovered about myself. I thought I knew grace until I met her. (Turns out I might be needing grace lessons now and again, and again and again.)  We (a group of friends) all wrote in my journal in high school from time to time and it just so happened that I found this journal around the time I met this one. We laughed good and hard over the sillinness of what o...

Today I am thankful. Thankful that I am alive to be thankful. Thankful that I am able to be thankful with every ounce of my being. No I didn't achieve something awesome or experience something amazing to base my heart of gratitude from today. In fact, I have an assignment that I need to work on, I have pending dreams and god from like forever, and I have a family that I long to be with peacefully and quietly but I can't or I don't have all of these yet.  But I am grateful.  Grateful because I dont want to ever be too busy nor too quick to forget how much I've been provided for right now. I don't want to take now for granted. I dont want to get so used to the now, that I neglect to say Thank You. This is all a part of the journey and I did not just come in to the now over night.  I mean, there has been seasons and seasons of crying, of being disappointed over the circumstances, of not having a clue of what to do next or if there will ever be another season than righ...

WARNING: HIGHLY SENSITIVE     Wrote this entry all the way back in March and came across it tonight. Thought I'd finally share it here. I have just been intrigued by the person of Grace in mesmerizing ways for the past few weeks and feel this entry sweetly shoots the bullseye, stingily I must add for me. And no I have not mastered the matter but am constantly humbled that He constantly comes through.  I am NOTHING. HE IS EVERYTHING ONE COULD EVER NEED or at least dream to have - HE IS LOVE.   March 20th,  2015. A few months ago  this prominent man of God I know said something in one of his sermons that made me question a lot of things about God's love. I guess I've always had these questions as I look at life in general but I had just never voiced it.  I realize  that I have never voiced it because I knew what the answer is.  I always have known.  Somehow the way that story was told that day cut me sooo deeply and made me wa...

Yesterday we had Bible study here and talked and shared on the importance of the influence of women in our society, in our families, in our nation (s) and the world with reference to the story of Deborah. Later in the night i watched a movie called 'No Greater Love' which was about a believer woman loving her non believer husband. It was really cool - Nothing violent. But it was just on how the woman didn't want to compromise God standards while loving her husband. The study earlier mentioned on Deborah talked alot about her uncompromising integrity as well.     So at the end of the movie I cried like a baby. Genuinely I just couldn't. I know that I miss MFG but I didn't see it as that much big of a deal...just something to laugh about or something. But last night I realized how much I deeply and wholeheartedly appreciate knowing and having a unique set of women in my life who are beautiful inside and out! Women who are just downright phenomen...

        So I'm imagining going on this car ride where I'm obviously on the passenger seat and the driver driving.  Along the road past Nausori airport (I don't know why) we come across unexpected humps. (maybe this is why. ha.) Meanwhile there are ongoing conversations between the driver and I about life, likes and dislikes.    The first hump.  The first hump got me with both hands stretched out and clenching on whatever I could get it on - the left hand on the driver's shoulder, the right hand pressing on the glass window, plus a little agitated heavy sigh.  The driver calm as ever continues driving.   The ride was beautiful especially with the newly done roads and fancy street lights done and billboards on the side - super comfortable dot dot dot ..... until the second hump.  I started to complain.     " How did you not see that coming?" "Why is there a hump in the middle of nowhere?" "Wh...

When God made man He handled the being so delicately He formed it so skilfully His most treasured possession! He gave his breath into the being to move, to live and have his being Holy. Sacred and Good is this being to God "Mine Mine Mine", He says. "Oh how you are mine!" Taking delight in you, so pure and true. Unlike any other creation One of a kind you! Gave you everything else in His creation to rule Everything in His creation, in all its splendour! He gave you. What does man do? Man leaves the creation aside Decides to overrule his own kind How much God cherishes a human being Loves him with all his heart And the human chooses to play his own card. Yet it doesn't change the way He looks at us Oh how we've strayed from the start Doesn't change the way He looks at us. With this truth I nullify every lie Telling me that playing around with a human being is right Devil so sly but you're going down dead and dusted again...

Over the years Religion has taken root in the 'church' and has kept buried the glory and power that must be seen in the body of Christ.  In this day and age, in this nation, the Latter Rain Ministry of Fiji chooses to stand to shake the frozen believers who have settled in the concept of religion and has been blinded to aspire for more.  This journey for me began when I learnt/ realized the difference between Relationship and Religion and how life with Jesus is supposed to be fulfilling, joyous and sweet and not stagnant, tiring and boring.   Within the last 5 years I've heard or come across several testimonies,word of knowledge and prophecies about Fiji being the center of revival to the world/ nations.  I've received visions and revelations myself of it happening but I've always just wondered how, when or where it was all gonna happen.  Most of us I know have been eagerly awaiting this significant event, if it hasn't already happened. Words are not en...

It's the beginning of the end of the First Quarter of 2014 and I find myself soaring into an unbelievably (for me) new level! I didn't know exactly what the past six months was leading me to, but slowly and reluctantly, to be completely honest, I knew some things had to change (about me); some attachments needed letting go of; and more new and better things discovered.  Basically, in technical terms, for you 21st Century-ians, my system was heating up and wearing out and some if not most programs needed deleting from the hardware of my little complicated life.  Towards the end of last year life seemed like it was all winding down for me spiritually.  EXHAUSTED to be precise.  It wasn't until just last month that I decided, like finally decided to do something about it.  I was hating life with a passion and I knew I couldn't go on without confronting the heart of the matter.   That one morning (I will never forget!) fully dressed to leave for school, ...

I feel like the year is coming to a close very quickly this time around. It's exciting but also very scary? The future is sometimes.  "It's Gonna Be Okay" were the words I was dying to hear when challenged with my 1st major obstacle for the year (Which wasn't that much big of a deal compared to the ones that came after that). Well after that hurdle came several more. And now just when we thought we were ready for 2014, God drops another bomb on us. The last one I suppose, for the year.  Tears shed and emotions on the loose as soon as the bomb was dropped. As much as our flesh wants to question and wallow in it all, the sweet Lord reminds us through His Spirit and each other, of His love and for me personally, He reminds me of all I experienced this year and how much He was the real part of it all; that everything He allows for us is for our good and that all in all it is all to bring Him glory! That its all about Him. Never about us or how we should feel good...

How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity!  Psalm 133:1 How is it that I live with the coolest people ever in the coolest house ten (to fifteen) 21year old girls can ever live in, in Fiji, 5mins away from USP. Two years ago (which wasn’t really a long time ago) some of us weren’t even allowed to step out of the house at 12 midnight, let alone sleep over at a friend’s house. And daylighting was never to be discussed.  Ever. Moving out? - Impossible.  Crazy! Its like we were hand picked. Literally. From our different upbringings and backgrounds and past, one thing we have come to ‘see’ and continue to secretly give God a quick smile for is, our similarities in taste of values in literally everything – (apart from clothes and music) modesty, integrity, and especially our faith in the lover of our soul. Coming to live together and discovering these things about each other has been mind blowing where Im like, “…and I thought I was the ...

Amazingly overwhelmed is how I best describe (though poorly i think) my feelings in the past week.  I thought everything was good until it got even better! Phew. My hands are sweating and shaking and my heart skipping as I write this.  The Presence. - I welcome thee ! God is good. The phrase I struggled to say and believe with all my heart every other day. I have to confess, at least once a week I give in and get soooo mad - at everything, at everyone, at life, at God.  Yesterday was that day for me this week.  It came out of nowhere. Anger i mean.  I was angry. So angry.  I've recently been so fearful of alot of things and I hated it.  Negative thoughts and ideas flooded my mind like crazy - suicide included.  I didnt have the heart to talk with anyone. I walked down to Suva Point.  I imagined myself walking and walking and walking into the ocean until.......   That small ounce of faith I had inside of me knew I would literally ...

My testimony of what I’m enduring through this past month.    I was feeling like a failure.   Everything I did or didn’t do was judged and so haunted me.   All that I was involved in and all that I wanted didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to.   I gave in. I believed the lies that I really was a failure.   Everything seemed okay and settled on the outside but my heart was at war.   The Lord was sweet in coming through to me through His word as I sought Him. So I concluded that it was just me and the Lord that needed to sort out my problems.   Didn’t think anyone near me fully understood what I was going through because I didn’t even understand it myself. I felt I was slipping away from something but didn’t really know what. June 12 th God allowed I experience something insanely painful. Insanely painful.   It challenged everything I’ve always believed in and love talking about: GRACE, Forgiveness, love, hope. ...