Soul Care

I read a book a year ago that I still refer to constantly today - Soul Care by Rob Reimer 

It answered alot of my questions for all of the trauma I was experiencing in my 20s. And now this trauma. 

The book highlights alot on unhealed trauma if not dealt with in one generation can show up in a different generation. 

Soul Care uncovers that Jesus may have been introduced in to our lives but it was without confronting the wounds that are still there. To be fair Some of these wounds can be from a different generation altogether and we would have no idea about. But the symptoms or signs that there is unhealed trauma keep showing up. Some of these signs are repeated patterns of sin - sexual abuse in the family, domestic violence, witchcraft or homosexuality are just some common examples of unhealed trauma in the bloodline. 

The world today praises fully functioning people as if keeping ourselves busy or occupied to the point of burning out is the way to go in life. Over time human beings have replaced dealing with pain or trauma with work and keeping busy, slap Jesus and faith on to that and we are good to go. 

In one of my earlier entries, I mentioned how being brought up in a good, safe, Christian home made me think I was immune to bad things until trauma started happening. I genuinely asked God, my parents are faithful and raised us right, why is this happening to me/ us? Through these bad experiences I started to uncover that there are things that happened in our parents generation and grandparents generations that were never dealt with. They came in to faith along the way but there were certain things that were just tucked away neatly in the suitcases of their soul, Until trauma happens and they're forced to unpack their part suitcase that they had always kept hidden and suddenly for us who had no idea, life just makes sense. 

Here's what I'm trying to get at. Unhealed trauma in my own family/ life led me to choose what I choose and be comfortable with it. Because of my encounter with soul care I was actively unpacking my why's along the way and it meant asking myself, why did that make me feel that way, where did that emotion come from, why did I tense up in a certain atmosphere, what memory did that trigger, are just some questions that help me unpack and take stock of my life. It is a freeing experience. We live and we learn. 

So for the heartbreak I just experienced, I saw the same. I saw a boy that was abandoned by a parent at a young age that even in adulthood is still trying to win their parent's approval or keep them "close". It was a sad sight to see but I was so aware of what I was seeing. The sadder part is, it was at the expense of choosing something for himself because all his life his contentment and belonging came from pleasing everyone else. 

People pleasing is the subtle trauma response we pick up after experiencing trauma while being rebellious is the more obvious response. While intentions in pleasing people may be genuine, sometimes it's really another trauma response. I learnt this in my own journey that, I was showing up and going above and beyond for people in my life because that's how I know people had shown up for me and how I want them to continue to show up for me. But really they say we do things for others that we wished was done for us. That's the brokenness underneath it all. I'm not saying this to bring shame in our brokenness but rather to say that we use it to encourage love and kindness over hate and anger. It can go either way, the onus is on us. 

Are we willing to put aside our entitlement to be "right" in our brokenness and embrace the pain of our wounds underneath all of that and work towards healing or are we going to use it to bully others along the way? Bullying by saying things like, I deserve this and that because I did this and that. 

This heartbreak experience to me was a classic display of broken people breaking people, another way of saying hurt people hurt people. And it won't stop until it's dealt with. 

Embrace your wound(s). What we're really angry about stems from our untreated trauma. We all have some to a certain extent. Renounce the pattern of sin, Work towards healing (get counseling, accountability and prayed for) and be free man. Or you'll keep breaking hearts and relationships like a broken record and never really know true freedom in Jesus. Its possible. Jesus came so that we may have life and life in abundance. (Emotional abundance not just materialistically). 

I hope I've stirred some thought process for the betterment of our emotional and mental health. It's not easy. There's definitely alot of tears and heartache involved but the generational freedom and peace that comes with it, is second to none. 

This picture because palm trees - the symbol of justice, shelter and order.