Fijian 101

Please allow me to express myself. I will get to the constructive bit afterwards I promise. 

I wish I didn't have anything against boys and their mums but man if your boy is 16 and wanted to get married and mum got in the way, I fully understand. And understood. But if he is 33 and mum is caught by suprise that he wants to get married is craaaazyyy. Meanwhile mum is fully aware of the relationship the whole time but there's no intentional progressive conversation on what next. Only, "let's wait for the uncles". Crazy to think that we even function like that as Fijians- to put our lives on hold until the "uncles" made their decisions or agreed to the decision. 

At which point We are going to assume that they didn't care (or approve.) So we planned it without parents as our 30year old selves. (Lol what is a 30 year old in this Fijian family?) 

Nearing the day, out of courtesy we decided to inform parents. Note, I say, Inform not ask for approval. My parent was excited. His parent was not. 

I mean if you were planning to do something, let us know? I hate that tradition had alot to do with this heartbreak - Because they were not ready, I had to wait until they were ready to sort themselves out? This had alot to do with their expectations and what his parent wanted it to look like because they knew my family expected the same. Alot of traditions are for everyone else's sake instead of the primary people involved is something I will not understand. That In the meantime we couldn't have our desires because we had to listen to theirs. Can't be a 2024 bride with all of these expectations. I'm not one to people please and so the idea to put my dream on hold for theirs is wild to me. I can honor and respect people's wishes but not at the expense of my heart/ life. 

Please note, this tug of war had been going on for a year and some. Hence the heartache. Promises of "we will do it, we will get it done." 

I'm not one to place my value on what they could or couldn't do so it didn't really matter to me. It still doesn't. 

His parent was sad because the decision to get married a small way, meant her dream wouldn't come true and it would stress her out to the point where it could land her in the hospital (I was told) and we don't want that so He chose what he chose. 

So here I am heartbroken because his parent's heartbreak could land her in the hospital and my heartbreak doesn't matter. 

Like a scene from a Korean drama except its Fijian 101.

The morning of. I stood there looking out to the hills around his place shedding some tears over the decision he just made, and getting scolded by my Fijian mother, not to cry (because she didn't want to be embarrassed? Idk), we came back to our air bnb and got ready anyway because there was a photographer and there was cake and we were not going to waste the day. 

I was numb the rest of that day. Crying was not an option for my mother to see so I chose to be angry instead. Happy that I had people who showed up to help me get through the day as hard as it was and make it absolutely memorable more than the heartache I was carrying inside. 

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