A Song

Life is like a song, with a beginning and an end and a melody that pulls on all the heart strings. 

It is only a little past 11am as I write this and I am exhausted! 

I may have mentioned a number of times over the years, living with our grandmother. It has been 3 months since her recent mild stroke and she has been needing extra assistance daily. She's recovered 97% of mobility but still needs 24/7 supervision. My mum is currently down with a cold so I have to be the temporary primary care giver.  

It's hard to accept that this is the new reality with her and all the good memories we once shared are just that now, memories. She's still here with us but for the most part she isn't. That brain disorder that creeps up on the elderly and affects everything we do around them can be such a physical and an emotionally draining exercise. It is not for the faint of heart. Half the time we're fighting them to remember basic things but they're just not there anymore and we'll just have to remind them again. And again. And again. It's a frustrating mental tug of war between accepting this reality versus believing she can get back to "normal". 

This is the path towards death do us part and I am not okay. 😔 

The thing with death is that we know its coming but the feeling of grieving a presence that's been a significant part of our lives is still very heavy and real. There's no escaping it.

For now before it gets too heavy, I remember the golden nuggets that is the presence and gift of who she is and the strength and grit she had to make something of herself coming from so little to accomplishing and acquiring so much.

 

We don't realize how much of the price they've paid until death comes knocking and we're forced to view life from the beginning to an end perspective. A life lived well and full. ... from walking miles on foot for school and a career in teaching; to traveling the world in her retirement and enjoying her house and cars until she couldn't anymore, from having 5 children to 15 grandchildren and meeting 3 great grandchildren, this is the life that is her legacy and story. This is the life she fought for. This is the life she prayed for and more. 

So as much as I am exhausted, overwhelmed and sad, I remember the good times and treasured memories and God's plan. 

There is no way we have come this far without the hand of God. 

Life is fleeting though the journey seems long, and taking a pause to reflect helps me enjoy this song that is her life.  

This is the journey to an end. 

Mother's Sunday 2022