SUCH TIMES

God knew how much I needed it. I needed to breathe. - Something fresh;  something new; something different. Sometimes through a circumstance or a series of circumstances, bumps and bruises, falls and small wins,  we reach a point. That point where we can't or at least don't want to go on any longer; or where choosing to live requires alot more effort or strength than the normal. Feeling clogged, caged in, imprisoned of some sort. Imprisoned by my own ideas of life, developed perfectly in the process of my circumstances. Neatly too. So neat that I didn't even see it being way off track and even if I did, I didn't care.  Pain does that. It eats on our souls and reminds us of all that's went south, unconsciously trying to keep us down. I gave in, countlessly. Subconsciously in the midst of that state, I also remembered whispering to my troubled soul, "This is only temporary". I reached the point. I reached the edge of the cliff wh...

Somewhere between a wound and an old scar is a journey unforeseen and unbelievable by far Seems like a detour upon detour upon another detour Bad guesses, stirring messes thats messing up my senses Madness. Each new season (or turn/ detour) bringing forth a glimpse of promise That this madness doesn't last simply becoming a thing of the past; That this being called God has a thing for my heart I must believe He'll take care of my scars Just as He made the Red Sea part. Impossible trembles at His Name runs away in shame I must believe all He says! ...more than the voices in my head His promise keeps me secured in His plan. 🍀

Today I am thankful. Thankful that I am alive to be thankful. Thankful that I am able to be thankful with every ounce of my being. No I didn't achieve something awesome or experience something amazing to base my heart of gratitude from today. In fact, I have an assignment that I need to work on, I have pending dreams and god from like forever, and I have a family that I long to be with peacefully and quietly but I can't or I don't have all of these yet.  But I am grateful.  Grateful because I dont want to ever be too busy nor too quick to forget how much I've been provided for right now. I don't want to take now for granted. I dont want to get so used to the now, that I neglect to say Thank You. This is all a part of the journey and I did not just come in to the now over night.  I mean, there has been seasons and seasons of crying, of being disappointed over the circumstances, of not having a clue of what to do next or if there will ever be another season than righ...

To believe that He was man, is to believe that He understands To believe that He was man, is to believe that He knows and can To believe that He was man, is to believe that He died and rose again! To believe that He was man, is to believe that through Him we can be one again; that we can overcome; that we are not condemned; that Grace has made right standing possible again To believe that He was man, is to believe in relationship with him To believe that He was man is to believe that He is God. And anyone who does not believe, cannot know Him.   

*Currently* Watching Shekhinah play and shriek with laughter and can't help but say,  Oh Tu! It feels like you're still here! Feels like you're just sitting in front of your desktop in the room or sitting outside on your wooden chair reading your Bible or praying silently and quietly listening and watching Shekhinah play.  Its moments like these that I cant believe you're gone - not so much seeing you teach or preach or share but you just being a father. These past three years have been the craziest not to mention riskiest thing ive ever done in my entire life! Your passing made me appreciate ever coming here more than I ever have. I left every bit of comfort and familiarity to be a part of this as the Lord showed me, and he made this little act of obedience worth my while. Complete strangers. Completely different environment than what I'm used to and what I'd rather prefer. Frankly, there were days where I wanted to run away; days where it...

I’ll never forget the trouble,  the utter lostness,  the taste of ashes,  the poison I’ve swallowed.  I remember it all—oh, how well I remember— the feeling of hitting the bottom.  But there’s one other thing I remember,  and remembering,  I keep a grip on hope: God ’s loyal love couldn’t have run out,  his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.  They’re created new every morning.  How great your faithfulness! I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).  He’s all I’ve got left.  God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks.  It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God .  It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times.  When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself.  Enter the silence.  Bow in prayer.  Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear.  Don’t run from troub...

. Lena: Every haircut (MFG referring) has a testimony. Me (thinking): cool! But.... I dont have one. After the haircut dot dot dot I think I DO have one! Ha. Or at least something worth sharing. If you know me, this haircut/ style is completely outside the box for me. I mean its not EXACTLY what I had in mind but it turned out like this and i am not mad about it. I chose Ani (the hairdresser) for the very purpose of giving me something that is up to date of some sort without messing up my personality or something. Or without me ending up hating it. I knew she would naturally produce something fine without me wanting to hide from people for it. Lol. But really. I guess the biggest thing for me is that its new and different. And fresh. And timely. In the 'church' I feel like there is a standard way to dress, to look, to speak, to feel even for some! But in the past decade I reckon the global message of the hour has  been one that is dissecting religion u...

Today was one where I actually took time out to look back through my journal. Haven't been doing it much for a while now which is almost saddening. I like to make it a habit to read through previous journal entries esp when life becomes a bit weary and I am slacking off if I haven't already dove in to ignorance.  Its a healthy habit bc I get to be reminded over again of His goodness esp in days where I don't feel it. And Honestly I dislike admitting that such days exist but they do! Oh my gosh they do! So I came across an entry that I felt like sharing here, because the reality is, there ARE days where holding on is the most insane idea because giving up or giving in, is so much easier. Thankfully and normally at the end of our end,(or so we think) is the light - perspective. This entry was one of those days... ______________________________________________ LOST! Didn't know what I was singing today Seemed like I was Trying to connect Don't know if it w...

I’ll never forget the trouble,  the utter lostness,  the taste of ashes,  the poison I’ve swallowed.  I remember it all—oh, how well I remember— the feeling of hitting the bottom.  But there’s one other thing I remember,  and remembering,  I keep a grip on hope:  God ’s loyal love couldn’t have run out,  his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.  They’re created new every morning.  How great your faithfulness!   I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).  He’s all I’ve got left.  God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,  to the woman who diligently seeks.  It’s a good thing to quietly hope,  quietly hope for help from God .  It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times.  When life is heavy and hard to take,  go off by yourself.  Enter the silence.  Bow in prayer.  Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope ...

Been so much going on, draining me emotionally and spiritually - core situations Havent been the best judge of things Given in to opinions of me by deciding to create opinions of my own Actually voiced it in  a mail just so that they'd know, feel and feeeeel how much they crushed me Brought up every sin in their life that I once overlooked Made sure they knew how much I knew somewhat trying to justify my right-ness in all of the mess how much I cared how much I loved how much I invested how much I, I, I..... sick reasonings sort of trying to make myself feel better about all the good i was doing because it seemed like all they saw was bad bc all i heard was bad ignored the truth decided lies werent gonna go if i didnt voice my supposed actual when really the actual, actual said, "Not that way beloved." I was convinced He was wrong After all, I heard it all in the face! Because I looked away from His face No it doesnt right their ways but neither...