The Dilz Journey

Something this pandemic season has been highlighting for me THE MOST are the fulfilling of things once foretold - prophecy, dreams and visions in the Cunningham season. and it all just keeps me quiet QUIET. like idk what to do with all these feels but just letting myself soak it all in and chill.    It all  breaks me purely - in the sense that I am being humbled by the perfection of clarity this season has been giving me about that season.   I miss it - listening to teachings everyday. I cherish it. I hold it all close to my heart because that really happened and Im really still basking in the glory of it all - not in a unhealthy creepy way  (minus the toxic stuff ) but just in the sense there is so much to take out from that season and Im still gathering it all 3 years later.     [Unnecesary info but, To the point where I removed all my songs and only added the ministry songs + some others to keep me sane and liberated through...

It still aches I dont know if it will ever stop I dont know if I want it to stop (missing him I mean)  But I do prefer feeling it than ignoring it. Currently feeling it all today - as if it were happening all over again... As if it hasnt been a month already... As if I hadnt felt it all before that day. We dont know how much space one takes up in our hearts until we lose 'em. He sure took up a lot in mine.  So I took some time out to just sit and soak in God's goodness and faithfulness despite my overwhelmed with sadness heart. God is sweet. I was reminded that God is PRESENT though the waves and the world seem loud;  That as the waves come crashing in, so will healing, joy and goodness all around;  That memories of him bring healing instead of pain  That reminders of his counsel lead us closer than apart That the sound of his voice ring comfort and peace That stories of him strengthen us within. Because all things work togeth...

"I'm so sorry for your loss," they said with good intention.  Every time I heard/ read that, I found myself thinking, "but I'm not at loss..? " Not in a mean way, but I really didnt/ dont feel like we lost something/ someone. Dont get me wrong, we miss him lots and holding his hand till his last breath felt like my heart was ripped open with no mercy, BUT we really like REAALLY deeply believe he's in a better place. A place where there is no pain and sorrow and heartache and shame.  "Heaven's gain", they said.. and really, in believing that, I like to think it is our gain too! It gives me strength to believe he really is where I long to be on the daily. I mean he's already there!!  It gives me strength to realize thats where I want to be headed all the days of my life. It gives me strength to believe that every single day I'm alive is a chance to live for THAT glory; for that goodness; for that craze. Him being there give...

                                                                                                       We believed till his very last breath and with that I am satisfied.  We had one more week with him before he was finally received in to glorious eternity. It was one week of receiving revelations from him, one week of seeing him smile and share and pray and say Halleluyah! One week of glorious moments of him saying things like, "kua ni leqataki au lewa, au sa bula tu." Trust that I hurried home after that and cried my life away.  Our last moments with him though painful, I now see was pretty glorious. Standing by him all of us, holding on until he let go. Such a gentleman, waiting/ fighting till we...

*Currently* Watching Shekhinah play and shriek with laughter and can't help but say,  Oh Tu! It feels like you're still here! Feels like you're just sitting in front of your desktop in the room or sitting outside on your wooden chair reading your Bible or praying silently and quietly listening and watching Shekhinah play.  Its moments like these that I cant believe you're gone - not so much seeing you teach or preach or share but you just being a father. These past three years have been the craziest not to mention riskiest thing ive ever done in my entire life! Your passing made me appreciate ever coming here more than I ever have. I left every bit of comfort and familiarity to be a part of this as the Lord showed me, and he made this little act of obedience worth my while. Complete strangers. Completely different environment than what I'm used to and what I'd rather prefer. Frankly, there were days where I wanted to run away; days where it...