The Dilz Journey

Three trips to the morgue in 6months. To say overwhelmed, is an understatement.  I walked in to January at such a high, believing and excited for whatever lie ahead of me.  I remember just feeling like I was ready for whatever came my way! or something like that Or so I thought huh.  [Sigh.😩] I even tweeted on social media saying:      "2019, MAY I HANDLE THE UNEXPECTED(s)  BETTER".  Ha.  Did not think that through.  On the contrary,  10 points for faith yeah?  Its August. And if Im being honest tonight, with tears streaming down my face as I reluctantly try to type this, I'm a little bit angry at how my 2019 is going so far.  Okay maybe a lot angry. I thought I been crushed enough the past ten years and this year was MY/ our year.  Maybe it is.  Just not in the exact way I imagined it to be.  All of the books; all of the sermons; ...

*Currently* Watching Shekhinah play and shriek with laughter and can't help but say,  Oh Tu! It feels like you're still here! Feels like you're just sitting in front of your desktop in the room or sitting outside on your wooden chair reading your Bible or praying silently and quietly listening and watching Shekhinah play.  Its moments like these that I cant believe you're gone - not so much seeing you teach or preach or share but you just being a father. These past three years have been the craziest not to mention riskiest thing ive ever done in my entire life! Your passing made me appreciate ever coming here more than I ever have. I left every bit of comfort and familiarity to be a part of this as the Lord showed me, and he made this little act of obedience worth my while. Complete strangers. Completely different environment than what I'm used to and what I'd rather prefer. Frankly, there were days where I wanted to run away; days where it...

Been so much going on, draining me emotionally and spiritually - core situations Havent been the best judge of things Given in to opinions of me by deciding to create opinions of my own Actually voiced it in  a mail just so that they'd know, feel and feeeeel how much they crushed me Brought up every sin in their life that I once overlooked Made sure they knew how much I knew somewhat trying to justify my right-ness in all of the mess how much I cared how much I loved how much I invested how much I, I, I..... sick reasonings sort of trying to make myself feel better about all the good i was doing because it seemed like all they saw was bad bc all i heard was bad ignored the truth decided lies werent gonna go if i didnt voice my supposed actual when really the actual, actual said, "Not that way beloved." I was convinced He was wrong After all, I heard it all in the face! Because I looked away from His face No it doesnt right their ways but neither...