The Dilz Journey

Feel like an outsider to the church  Feel like I don't belong  Feel like its all about making an appearance now Feel like nobody knows...  Nobody knows how much church has hurt some  Nobody cares  Nobody's paying attention  Nobody's reading their eyes, just living the lies  Nobody's saving their souls, just saving their posts  Nobody's getting it done, just letting them become scums Nobody's really paying attention.  Nobody but God.  From the outside Church sounds hellla amazing though.  For someone who's been in the church all my life  Sounds from church just tugs on heart strings  Memories, flashbacks of how good and pleasant it is to be with people of the Lord! Belonging. Adorning.  Enticing.  "This is how its supposed to be"  "This is where it all begins" we sing. Foreigners look on in disarray. How does a foreigner get saved then.  Hundred...

This week two of my bests celebrate their one month anniversaries respectively. Crazy.  This means Ive been back in Viti for about two months now. Wow. Time flies when we're busy!  Lately in just catching up with loved ones I realized how much changed in my heart this past year and I am blown away!  I dont think people understand the depth of what I endured these past few years (not that I expect people to understand) to the point where I gave up on life! - Gave up on myself, gave up on holding on, gave up on family, gave up on friendships,the relationship I was in, purity; gave up on the church, gave up on God and God things - everything I was walking in my whhoolle life! And for it to be something I am looking back to, today?!! when a year ago I was done with this thing called life.. I never fully understood what having a saviour meant until I NEEDED SAVING myself!  Less than 12 months ago, I was a mess. or worse. My goodness. I was sooo bitter I w...

Thought I'd take a walk outside but its 12pm in Samoa and no one walks in this heat at this hour. But I got up and after sending a text I thought I should at least, clean my room. Reorganized a few things and opened my curtains. A knock on the door. The housekeeper. I managed a smile. Her: "Fia  igu ki?" (Do you want a cup of tea?) I really didn't have an appetite, but I replied, "I faamolemole" (yes please) She hurried to make me one, handed me the cup with a smile of gratitude as if to say, "you're most welcome" while I tried not to scare her with crocodile tears. I have a stubborn soul and it wasn't her job to fix me tea at any time of the day. But she did. Her kindness broke down walls I struggled to put up the night before being up in my feels of disappointment and disapproval from people I work under. Real life sucks. Its not out there on Instagram and Facebook etc, but its there...

Seven months in Samoa this week. (Eight including the month I first came and went back.) Wow. It really doesn't feel like its been that many months. Feels like a few weeks rather. I can't believe this is a part of my story now, wherever I go - that I lived in Samoa for eight months! Feels like a dream. It's the longest that I've ever been away from home. There's no way of fully telling all that God did in my heart these past few months. Its been crazily overwhelmingly gooood. in short though, i will say, its been a beautiful journey of healing and redemption in the deep places of my heart.  It's been a place of witnessing God restore and rebuild broken things in my heart and my family that had been left dormant for a while. I have no right words. I know I say that a lot. But there really aren't words enough to fully describe these God things esp when compared to countless tear filled nights and prayer and fasting months to the point where we r...

"There is death in Gaza" I just read here on social media.  The point of that phrase being that while the Israeli community smile and celebrate their unjust government, there were people dying on the other side - unarmed and therefore treated unfairly.  Some say Israeli with guns and ammunition against sticks and rocks. Fair observation. But is it? I will be honest. It was shocking to see that when it came down to fact/truth and current affairs (not always the same thing unfortunately), we a people that thank God for our rugby wins defy this same God throwing shade at his people choosing to celebrate. If you really knew what this people had to endure in only seven decades ago, you would understand why they fight the way they do; why they've had to create the best and finest of of all finest ammunitions for themselves from NOTHING; why and how they built an empire and A- State-Of-The-Art economy... If you knew or saw how they were almost nothing, le...

Some historical events the world recognises: Israel's Independence day; Fiji's first coup - And by your own cousin I might add.   May 14th. Your birthday.  A year away from 70 today, Tata.  Wow. Before what people know you as - a spiritual mentor,  a work colleague, a retired civil servant, a leader,  a man of faith... I am blessed to know you first as my Tata. There has never been a time in my life where I questioned that. You carried all roles that you were assigned to - Vanua, Lotu, Matanitu while being our Tata - all with so much GRACE and discernment.  What an honour to witness it first hand. Everything about my life and encounters with God is inspired by your relationship with us as our father,  with me as my father. Vinaka na veisusu vinaka. However big, however small,  I'm grateful and proud of the life you both have built for us.  It doesn't look like a lot on the physi...