SUCH TIMES

Thought I'd take a walk outside but its 12pm in Samoa and no one walks in this heat at this hour. But I got up and after sending a text I thought I should at least, clean my room. Reorganized a few things and opened my curtains. A knock on the door. The housekeeper. I managed a smile. Her: "Fia  igu ki?" (Do you want a cup of tea?) I really didn't have an appetite, but I replied, "I faamolemole" (yes please) She hurried to make me one, handed me the cup with a smile of gratitude as if to say, "you're most welcome" while I tried not to scare her with crocodile tears. I have a stubborn soul and it wasn't her job to fix me tea at any time of the day. But she did. Her kindness broke down walls I struggled to put up the night before being up in my feels of disappointment and disapproval from people I work under. Real life sucks. Its not out there on Instagram and Facebook etc, but its there...

Seven months in Samoa this week. (Eight including the month I first came and went back.) Wow. It really doesn't feel like its been that many months. Feels like a few weeks rather. I can't believe this is a part of my story now, wherever I go - that I lived in Samoa for eight months! Feels like a dream. It's the longest that I've ever been away from home. There's no way of fully telling all that God did in my heart these past few months. Its been crazily overwhelmingly gooood. in short though, i will say, its been a beautiful journey of healing and redemption in the deep places of my heart.  It's been a place of witnessing God restore and rebuild broken things in my heart and my family that had been left dormant for a while. I have no right words. I know I say that a lot. But there really aren't words enough to fully describe these God things esp when compared to countless tear filled nights and prayer and fasting months to the point where we r...

"There is death in Gaza" I just read here on social media.  The point of that phrase being that while the Israeli community smile and celebrate their unjust government, there were people dying on the other side - unarmed and therefore treated unfairly.  Some say Israeli with guns and ammunition against sticks and rocks. Fair observation. But is it? I will be honest. It was shocking to see that when it came down to fact/truth and current affairs (not always the same thing unfortunately), we a people that thank God for our rugby wins defy this same God throwing shade at his people choosing to celebrate. If you really knew what this people had to endure in only seven decades ago, you would understand why they fight the way they do; why they've had to create the best and finest of of all finest ammunitions for themselves from NOTHING; why and how they built an empire and A- State-Of-The-Art economy... If you knew or saw how they were almost nothing, le...

Some historical events the world recognises: Israel's Independence day; Fiji's first coup - And by your own cousin I might add.   May 14th. Your birthday.  A year away from 70 today, Tata.  Wow. Before what people know you as - a spiritual mentor,  a work colleague, a retired civil servant, a leader,  a man of faith... I am blessed to know you first as my Tata. There has never been a time in my life where I questioned that. You carried all roles that you were assigned to - Vanua, Lotu, Matanitu while being our Tata - all with so much GRACE and discernment.  What an honour to witness it first hand. Everything about my life and encounters with God is inspired by your relationship with us as our father,  with me as my father. Vinaka na veisusu vinaka. However big, however small,  I'm grateful and proud of the life you both have built for us.  It doesn't look like a lot on the physi...

I don't know what may have been going on in your head on that day you said "I Do" but I know without a doubt you said it - if anything, with or without anyone else standing with you with it, I know you said it with faith.  At 26, much older than when you were when you got married,  I can imagine how scary that must have been for you.  I'm sorry I misjudged you.  I put this tag on you as a mother, as my mother, you should just know how to handle life because you are the 'mother' - not a human being, not a Sunday school teacher, not a lay preacher, just a mother.  Mothers just know. Mothers always know. True to a certain extent but I think in that,  I didn't see you mothers as human beings - people who hurt, and cry, and fail and sometimes (if not often) misunderstood or overlooked.  The sleepless nights not only on infant stages but throughout all our lives really, wherever we trod. Thank you for saying yes over and over and over and ov...

I look at my previous journals and she has left marks all over it. A year ago, I'd tell her, "Lewa no-no" and then give her a different piece of paper. Somehow she just liked the one where I wrote. I just glanced at my passport the other day and she left a signature there too.  Im glad i get to take it remembering that season of my life whereever I go.  She was leaving her mark. Its been a year since everything changed. Transiting in to the new season was hard.  Emotional bonding with a toddler isnt easy to just let go, let alone FORGET.  I dont even remember how I first came to look after her but we became super close/ attached within a very short span of time. Ever since we found out she was in her mother's womb, I knew I wanted to love this child.. almost everybody else didnt want to be associated with them... with her. That broke my heart. I remember praying with tears for her, "well Lord, use me.. keep her and use m...