Shekhinah Girl 👣

I look at my previous journals and she has left marks all over it. A year ago, I'd tell her, "Lewa no-no" and then give her a different piece of paper. Somehow she just liked the one where I wrote. I just glanced at my passport the other day and she left a signature there too. 

Im glad i get to take it remembering that season of my life whereever I go. 

She was leaving her mark. Its been a year since everything changed. Transiting in to the new season was hard. 

Emotional bonding with a toddler isnt easy to just let go, let alone FORGET. 

I dont even remember how I first came to look after her but we became super close/ attached within a very short span of time. Ever since we found out she was in her mother's womb, I knew I wanted to love this child.. almost everybody else didnt want to be associated with them... with her. That broke my heart. I remember praying with tears for her, "well Lord, use me.. keep her and use me."  

I forgot about that prayer until much much later. 

She was born and on a posting on Instagram that day I said, 

May 28th 2015 

Born today is a mighty woman of God

Of whom i am most honoured to hold

Though the world despises you

I stand with the heavens that have not stopped pouring 

the moment it heard your first cry... 

ABISHAG SHEKHINAH JOSHUA UCATAUMURI

Six months later getting back from PNG having nothing to do at the time, I knew I wanted to look after her. What I thought was just for a few weekends turned in to about two years! Best thing I have ever done in my life. I wont lie, it was hard. It was different. Im not an experienced mother so that was major for me. I saw her from when she started turning, first teeth, to first steps to walking, changing food, to latenight cries, and hospital/ clinic appointments. It was crazy. Busy and tiring. But overrall good somehow. Mad respect for motherhood from that experience for sure!  

July6,2016
Walking is a beautiful skill. Once mastered you forget how you even started - Falling and rising and falling again but Someday you'll go running off without needing me for support. Grateful tho for the first shot at motherhood knowing you has lavished on me...

Like this a year ago, she would give heartbreaking cries when she looked around and didnt see me, even if I was just in the bathroom. I started to wonder and remember saying, "keirau beka vaka varau veitalatala.." 

"its like we are about to be separated from each other.." 

Turns out our sentiments were right. I dont know about her but apart from my journal and passport markings she left a deeper mark on my heart. A season I wont forget easily. Definitely one of my favourite seasons in life. 

Sometimes God will lead us to places that makes us feel awkward and uncomfortable. We find ourselves being bitter and angry and lost even...and maybe even mocked. Not everybody has to understand our journey and thats okay hey. #ButGod hasnt lost sight of you and knows exactly what He's doing and where He's taking us. Just trust Him. He's the King. He's never lost. 

Forever Grateful 💘