The Gift of Grief?

Facebook memories reminded me tonight that 7 years ago today we were getting ready to bury our father, on Feb 12th. Oh I hadn't experienced a heartache like that before. I remember saying it felt like my heart was being ripped up open from my fragile body. 💔 

This year we entered the year getting ready for Naus 100 nights. Nau who's been with me all 3 decades of my life, 5 decades of my mother's life. But more specifically, the Nau we ate and lived with past 5 years. A constant presence just not present anymore. 

2 weeks after that one of my life friends passed on, the night of her birthday. I was messaging with her all that week because we share the same birthday week. I wished it was a dream. A horrible nightmare to wake up from. But she really was gone. Just msging the day before, and gone the next. 

The gift of grief? 

A question because in one second grief feels devastating. And in the next second you laugh at a silly or random memory of them. A heartache hard to describe. A longing that cannot be physically met. An anguish (if you were close enough) you cannot possibly rid of overnight. 

A gift because it indicates the depth of love once shared while breathing together. A gift because though they are gone, their memory isn't entirely. A gift because their absence here means they are without the pain and suffering of this world. A gift because they aren't striving or struggling to survive. A gift because at last full rest. A gift because in their absence we realize and process what a gift their presence truly meant to us. 

A gift because of all the love we get to share with others who knew them and get to carry forward with us, and each other. 

A gift because we get to see in some level of entirety the impact they had on other people in their lifetime. A gift because we get to tangibly or physically remember and honour how they have impacted us. 

And I always think that's beautiful - giving honor where honor is due, that we otherwise forget while they're still alive. 

So while I grieve, I celebrate. While I grieve, I remember all the things, all the goodness, all the ways Ive been impacted and give God thanks. For a life/ lives that He allowed to have an impact on my life, people who have added value and meaning to my journey, contributing to who I am and how I show up. 

The gift of grief it truly has been indeed.