The Dilz Journey

It’s been a little over a month since Nau transitioned in to glory after 85 good years of living earth side. I have been trying to gather myself together to write an entry and share on here. She filled a large part of my heart, second to my parents. Alot of my life’s significant moments are marked with memories with her. I miss her constant presence in my life for sure. Coming back home this past year and getting to be with her is something I will treasure forever. On top of grieving the relationship I was in and all I had hoped it would be, I came home to grieving my deteriorating Nau. It was so painful to watch her not being her usual self and so the grief has been gradual over the course of a year. To simply say this past year was HARD to live with her condition and trying to keep things somewhat "normal" above all, is such an understatement.  I’ll be honest here, I reached a point where I told God, I can’t bear to see her live this way for another 5 years. It is not f...

In my experience of grieving a loss, like losing our father, as much as I miss him deeply, losing him here on earth has been my saving more than my loss.  Pain has this way of stirring something within us that either pushes us to be better or be bitter. Sometimes we start by being bitter because the pain is overbearing and then work our way in to choosing better. But it stirs something in us with a knowing that we have to do better. That we have to build on making our lives worth living, pursuing things of meaning that adds value to the rest of our journey here on earth. It brings death closer to home as a reality that we will all come to and need to prepare for - whether in our pursuit of the relationships we keep or the goals and aspirations we have in this life. For us who have witnessed loved ones transiting from life to death, in THAT moment where the gut wrenching pain of loss is unbearable, we realize, that truly nothing else matters. Not who was right or wrong in the argume...

A letter to my future self I wrote a few years ago, that I feel like sharing here. FutureMe is a site where one writes to their future selves - you decide the date you want to receive it and you will receive it via email. I've only been doing it the past 5 years and here's one I read today.  "Dear FutureMe, Its Good Friday today. I'm reminded of a revelation I received some time ago when I recalled that painful season of my life, He said: "What you thought were holes in His hands (because you thought you fell from his hands) were actually His saving hands."  I don't know what situation you may be in as you read this, but I hope you remember those saving hands is always saving, is still saving. I mean look at you! In THAT season you did not think and it did not feel like there was a way out. Ever. Yet here you are. Alive. Free. Healed and pursuing healing. Living. In abundance. With family. With Nau.  You can't make up these kind of stories.  God is re...