SUCH TIMES

"I'm so sorry for your loss," they said with good intention.  Every time I heard/ read that, I found myself thinking, "but I'm not at loss..? " Not in a mean way, but I really didnt/ dont feel like we lost something/ someone. Dont get me wrong, we miss him lots and holding his hand till his last breath felt like my heart was ripped open with no mercy, BUT we really like REAALLY deeply believe he's in a better place. A place where there is no pain and sorrow and heartache and shame.  "Heaven's gain", they said.. and really, in believing that, I like to think it is our gain too! It gives me strength to believe he really is where I long to be on the daily. I mean he's already there!!  It gives me strength to realize thats where I want to be headed all the days of my life. It gives me strength to believe that every single day I'm alive is a chance to live for THAT glory; for that goodness; for that craze. Him being there give...

                                                                                                       We believed till his very last breath and with that I am satisfied.  We had one more week with him before he was finally received in to glorious eternity. It was one week of receiving revelations from him, one week of seeing him smile and share and pray and say Halleluyah! One week of glorious moments of him saying things like, "kua ni leqataki au lewa, au sa bula tu." Trust that I hurried home after that and cried my life away.  Our last moments with him though painful, I now see was pretty glorious. Standing by him all of us, holding on until he let go. Such a gentleman, waiting/ fighting till we...

Two weeks ago my father got admitted in to hospital.  Doctor: Sir, when was the last time you were admitted to the hospital?  Him: '86.  As in nineteen eighty freaking six. You have to understand my dad, our hero has never in our lifetime needed hospital care. Ever. He's always been the tough one. I mean I remember him having a flu for a couple of days growing up but nothing serious.  I have always trodded places unknown in peace because I know they (parents) always had us covered. Always. Even in rebellion I know they got us covered. If I ever had to pray for them, it would mostly be out of gratitude or if I wanted something my way lets be real, sometimes we arent on the same page on things.  When my mom messaged to say that he had been admitted, it took a bit to sink in: "like what do you mean admitted?!"  And so this time, my mother's asking me/ us to pray FOR him; have him covered. My heart broke in to a million pieces.  ...