SUCH TIMES

  I have not had the time to fully process and pen out the couple of weeks we've just had. 3rd death in 3 months. This one was so heartbreaking.  We lost a mother, a daughter, a Sunday sch teacher, a wise counsel, and friend. Lockdown did us a favour to keep us together, to have cherished memories I will hold on to forever. No more long talanoa sessions and laughing and checking on each other, really because we had no choice.  No more singing together during devotions and praying for her well being; no more talking about the brighter side of life to keep us off her physical condition; no more trying to make her smile or laugh while she was in deep pain. Sitting around the dining realizing we don't get to hear her again We don't get to see her again Having tears for breakfast as we break bread and pray. ... Nau won't stop crying. We were supposed to bury her first.  You were supposed to organize it and see that everything goes well. All the videos I took of us w...

I carry a name not my own. Chosen for us by the fathers who laid it down for us. This week  we buried another one. The last one we buried exactly a month ago. "Of all of his achievements (as a lawyer and a diplomat), preaching the gospel of Christ was the most fulfilling one." - Nana Volau "We may have been on different sides of the law, but we were always brothers/ family first." - emotional SLR. Our fathers they weren't perfect. Started Impoverished, But hardworking and absolutely High on integrity, respect and humility. They honoured one another so well even in differences and that is something I hope we will continue to pursue and hold each other to. They knew their place here and confident of the purpose, which was always coming down to: WE ARE HERE TO SERVE (each other) fullstop. I've been learning alot about honor. It's been keeping me at awe of God's master plan. He really does know what He's doing. Got reminded today, that God still call...

  I got schooled on HONOUR. I thought I knew honour - how to give it, when to give it. Deep word. Deep word with little words to fully describe it. We buried our Tatalevu 2 days ago and this was the word that I received from all that was said about him. Honour. So full of honour. " the quality of knowing and doing what is morally right" We were strong and being funny when we took his body out from the morgue and to our home. But it was the moments just before they had to take him out of home to church, that really hits the spot. Where all the memories flood in on our last sight of him and we realize that we won't have moments with him anymore. We (the girl cousins) gathered around his casket and sobbed because we remember our childhood and realize being in the village was comforting because he was there. His presence was always comforting. Sharp and present and attentive, looking out for everyone, right up until his day. He knew where he was going and how he wanted to go ...

  *Sigh* ugh.    Made it to 30. Alive and living in abundance. [John 10:10]  The past decade was crazy. 🥺  Almost took me OUT! there were moments I thought I wouldn't make it out alive. That I had no purpose; that life wasn't worth living; that nobody cared if I lived (or died); that nothing was EVER gonna work out for me, the way it was working out for everyone else; that my portion was misery and heartache over and over and over again.  I got so used to feeling down, that I was always looking out for something horrible to happen. Because it was just my portion. I had a good life growing up and now it's my turn to "suffer" of some sort.  Fortunately for me, I was brought up around the mention of one name. This name that the parents said their prayers to and taught us to do the same; this name called Jireh that provided when we had nothing; this name that demons flee from when mentioned; this name that we were told to claim when in doubt or fear; this...